I'm going to jail i love you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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