What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
