I'm jealous of your bromance
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this boner is exhausting
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
