Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
