Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
