I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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