i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
