do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
