someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
