She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
