woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
