Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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