But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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