My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
