i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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