awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
