We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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