Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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