who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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