My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
