I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
