just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
