hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
