I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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