So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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