Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
