I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
