someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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