I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's rum buckets o'clock
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
