This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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