I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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