My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
