I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
