I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
