sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
