why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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