she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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