fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
