so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
