I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
