Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
