I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
