her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
