Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
