If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
