it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I touched a dick in church today
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
