How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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