i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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