So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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