yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
