Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
