she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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