I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
