does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
