If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
