And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
